What’s blocking our connection with our creativity?

Amauri Mejia (via upsplash)

As humans we’re all born innately creative. It’s how we express who we are. However, all too often this natural urge is suppressed because of beliefs we have picked up throughout the course of our lives. This (often subconscious) rejection of our creativity can leave us feeling frustrated, uneasy and as if something fundamental is missing from our lives. I’m excited to share with you why I believe creativity is so important in our everyday lives and unpick some of the stories we often carry so that we can all (re)discover our creativity and embrace a life that is filled with curiosity, creativity, meaning & joy. 

WHAT IS CREATIVITY & WHY IS IT IMPORTANT?

Creativity very simply is the act of putting two or more things together. What makes this so interesting is that we all have different ways of doing it; this is where our unique expression comes into play. Whether it is in the way that we pair words, ideas, put food together, clothes together or decorate our house, each of these creative activities has our unique stamp on it. 

It is in our human nature to express ourselves, and it starts from the moment we are born. As a child I loved playing in the sandpit in our garden, I’d spend hours making sandcastles and tunnels, creating worlds out of sand. I also loved dancing in the rain, playing schools and pretending I had a shop. Creativity was at the heart of my days.

Sadly, as we start school creativity and play are slowly replaced by more academic subjects. Using our creativity becomes narrowed down to a small percentage of our day or week. We are taught that there are more important things to do than follow our curious and creative nature. 

To connect with our creativity makes us feel whole; it’s how we share who we are with the world; how we connect with others and find meaning in the world around us. It’s not surprising then that if we don’t express our creativity, and instead suppress it, feelings of resentment, frustration, and uneasiness bubble up to the surface. We may even feel fear, anger or grief because we are not only denying ourselves true connection with others, but also with ourselves and our true nature.

WHAT’S BLOCKING OUR CONNECTION WITH OUR CREATIVITY?

You won’t be surprised to hear then that I believe passionately in maintaining this connection to our creativity in order that we can live as our fully expressed selves and live a life that feels wholehearted, fulfilling and joyful. To get there we need to understand the stories we hold around creativity and how they are holding us back, here are some examples that you may relate to. 

Very often when I talk to people about creativity they say one of the following; ‘I’m not creative’, or ‘I loved art at school until a teacher criticised my work and my confidence was really knocked’; or ‘I wish I was more creative but I think it’s too late now, I’m too old’; or ‘I was encouraged to do more academic subjects at school, subjects that would lead to a reliable job, so art fell by the wayside’. The latter statement describes me. My school praised academia, so despite loving everything about art and the sanctuary of the art department with it’s smell, the relaxed nature of the space, how it presented an opportunity to be messy & experiment, I was encouraged to study History of Art. 

Being the ‘good girl’ and keen to please those who were giving me their valuable advice I diligently went along with this safe suggestion. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, History of Art is a great subject to study, but I felt this path wasn’t quite right for ME. And I was right, so weighed down was I by the expectations that I felt I did incredibly badly in my History exam, twice. 

Slowly, I began to see that in a strange way I had saved myself by failing. I used to write in my diary every night. This was an opportunity to spill the tangled web of my thoughts out of my head and onto a page and slowly an idea grew as I wrote. What if I didn’t want to study other artists, but wanted to make the art myself? What would THAT route look like? I remember clearly the feeling of this realisation; it felt exciting and expansive. It felt like every cell in my body was tingling; my whole body was saying ‘YES this is your path to follow’. It felt as though I was honouring a deep desire and need within me to create, rather than consume what others had created. It was such a welcomed feeling after having felt so constricted walking the path of should’s and expectations; living a life that didn’t feel like mine. Now I had agency over my life and it came from following my creativity.  

Another barrier I believe plays a big part in blocking our connection with our creativity is how we perceive creativity within The Arts. Creativity is very often seen as something that is confined to the act of painting, drawing, printmaking or making music. 

When creativity is seen to be contained within such strict parameters, it can feel alienating, intimidating & exclusive. But it simply isn’t true that creativity only lies within these walls. It is in fact infused within your everyday living. Living is inherently creative. Examples of everyday creativity are; deciding what to wear in the morning, deciding where to go for a walk, choosing how to move your body in a yoga class and creating a playlist.

Remember, being creative it the simple act of putting two or more things together. These are all decisions & choices made through you and by you; you are making choices that express your thoughts, ideas, your preferences and your taste in things. 

With each decision you are expressing and learning about yourself; deepening your sense of self. With awareness, attention and intention we can draw these creative acts out, and life immediately begins to feel a little (or a lot) more joyful, fulfilling and brimming with creative possibilities & opportunities.

You may be able to relate to one of the stories above or not, but you are likely to be familiar with this idea, that because of how deeply connected creativity is to us and who we are, when we put something we have created out into the world you can feel very very vulnerable. So fearful are we of the comments of others, the desire to fit in and be accepted, it can often feel safer to reject our creativity completely and live a safe life. 

But the price we pay is that we lose a part of ourselves, and that simply won’t do, so I have some suggestions for you on how you can step forward into your creativity. 

HOW DO WE UNBLOCK AND RECONNECT WITH OUR CREATIVITY?

I have experienced many times in my life where my creativity has been stuck. I see it in my clients too. The stories blocking us rear their heads clamping down on any motivation or inspiration we had. However with awareness of these stories there is a way through. I tend to talk directly to my critical thoughts - ‘thank you for trying to keep me safe from making a fool of myself,’ I say ‘but it’s not necessary, I’ve got this.’ and I keep going.

With a clearer mind and the stories placated creativity will naturally flow in whatever form it takes. It can be helpful to ask, what did you love to do as a child?; what made you stop?, and how can you bring it back into your life in some form? What would you need around you to do that thing that brought you joy, and allowed you to express yourself so naturally?

Follow that. 

And practice; allow yourself to be a beginner and learn from your mistakes, just as you did as a child. 

By bringing your creativity back into the heart of your days, and by following your curious and creative nature I can assure you that you’ll find your own path to a richer and more fulfilling life. 

Further reading; 

  • Big Magic - Elizabeth Gilbert

  • The Artist’s Way - Julia Cameron

  • The Gifts of Imperfection - Brene Brown

  • The War of Art - Steven Pressfield

  • Conscious Creativity - Philippa Stanton

Further watching / listening; 

  • Do Schools Kill Creativity? - Sir Ken Robinson - TED talk

  • Magic Lessons with Elizabeth Gilbert - Podcast series

*** This article was originally written for Verity Gaida’s fabulous e-magazine Inspire & Enjoy, Sept 2020 ***

What I do when i'm in a funk!

Photo: ISSIE FREEMAN

Photo: ISSIE FREEMAN

When I’m in a funk or my energy feels low...it’s more often than not because one of these practices (above) has been forgotten or not tended to. ⁣

Quite simply my needs are not being met and I feel disconnected and flat ...frustrated for no apparent reason. ⁣

A few months ago I wrote a list of the things that, when I practice regularly, keep my energy high, I feel motivated & life has a certain kind of ease to it.⁣

It’s a list I keep in my diary* as a reminder to make sure I fit them into each day / week...AND if I do find myself in a funk, I go to the list and ask myself ‘what’s missing?’⁣
(*yes-a proper paper diary and I LOVE it!!)⁣

I love lists, but the intention is one day these things will be deeply integrated into my life that won’t need it; but it’s a helpful tool until I get to that point! ...do you have a practice like this where you ‘check in’ with if your needs are being met?

How to embrace the weekend

PHOTO: ISSIE FREEMAN

PHOTO: ISSIE FREEMAN

On Friday I made a decision...

I was going to stop work at 6pm, put ALL my work ‘stuff’; notebooks, laptop etc away and out of sight. ⁣
I literally shut them in a cupboard.⁣
I also made a list of ‘what I needed to do on Monday’, a list I also put in the drawer out of sight knowing it could wait until Monday.

Then I went for a walk - just to the CoOp but still, without a commute now I needed to create some physical space between my working day and the beginning of my weekend. ⁣

This may not sound revolutionary!, but it made a HUGE difference to how I went into my weekend. ⁣

Even when I was working my 9-5 office job, I often had jobs or tasks that would linger in my mind over the weekend, taking up space and energy, energy which would have been better spent actually enjoying my time off.⁣

Intentionally making a decision to tie up work, put it away and step into the weekend knowing Monday was organised / able to handle anything ‘left over’ from the week, freed me up to relax, re-energise and play. ⁣
It’s the first weekend in a long time that actually felt like a holiday & I feel rested, excited and ready for the week ahead.⁣

Do you have a practice or ritual you do to break up your time so that work & rest don’t merge & blur? I’d LOVE to hear!!⁣

What may be blocking your creativity

PHOTO: ISSIE FREEMAN

PHOTO: ISSIE FREEMAN

Recently a client came to me feeling totally overwhelmed, frustrated and lost.⁣⁣

She yearned to explore her creativity for herself personally and her business.⁣⁣

'I've lost my direction' she said, 'and my inner critic is really present at the moment. It's exhausting I can't seem to move forward'.⁣⁣
I listened quietly allowing space for her thoughts to tumble out; stories and beliefs she held about herself revealed themselves through the voice of her inner critic. ⁣

The inner critic was harsh and reminded me of a voice I had also heard in my own head less than a year before. She told me it was saying things like;⁣⁣

— It's too late to explore different avenues with your business & creativity; you're too old.⁣⁣
— It won't fit in with your life; its not practical.⁣⁣
— You'll fail; you're not brave enough; it'll be too hard.⁣⁣
— You don't have the time OR money.⁣⁣
— You'll look silly even trying.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Familiar? Yep, to me too.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
It's the voice of fear as we step out of your comfort zone, try something new, reach for something which daunts us but also excites us at our core...and it can very often bring us to a complete and utter standstill.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Recognising that our inner critic is only trying to keep us safe from harm is a huge turning point; it allows us to acknowledge, reassure and then disconnect from the self critical voices and take steps f o r w a r d.⁣

I believed I was rubbish at relationships, but then...

PHOTO: ISSIE FREEMAN

PHOTO: ISSIE FREEMAN

I believed I was rubbish at relationships. ⁣
After all, I'd failed hadn't I? I had evidence in the form of ex boyfriends where others had husbands. 36 and incapable of maintaining a romantic relationship. ⁣
What a failure I was, off course, desperately behind in the order of things.⁣

Feeling stuck, frustrated but ready to open up again to the idea of a relationship I sought the advice of a coach...and reflected on the TRUTH.⁣

You talk of great, long held, healthy friendships she said.⁣

I reflected, and spoke of friendships, some spanning luxuriously over 28 years. I spoke of friends who turned up on my doorstep moments after a break-up, comforting me as I sobbed. Friends who travelled 100's of miles simply to celebrate my turning of age; sitting with friends as they opened up about their biggest fears and regrets; celebrating new jobs, graduations, marriages, births..⁣


For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health—I was there for it all, as they were there for me through it all.⁣

It dawned on me as I spoke how I had been blinded by the belief that only romantic relationships were worthy of note & celebration; providing evidence of my worth and success in life.⁣

...but slowly the veil lifted and I saw the TRUTH, it had always been there buried beneath the beliefs I'd held.⁣

The TRUTH being, I AM capable & skilled at creating loving, healthy, long-lasting and soul nourishing friendships. Celebrating this over the past few months has only served to allow them to flourish more.⁣
With this new found confidence in my ability to hold relationships and knowing I am supported by these loving friends has given me the bravery I needed to step back into the dating world.⁣

I can step forward glowing with the knowledge that whatever the outcome I am loved, supported and already living out EPIC love stories.⁣

Hello inner critic ...

PHOTO: ISSIE FREEMAN

PHOTO: ISSIE FREEMAN

A couple of days ago I posted a story with a caption that read ‘the way you speak to yourself matters’. It sparked some really interesting conversations and I wanted to expand on it a little more here.


We all have it, a voice inside our head that likes to bring us down, it often criticises us or shames us. It pipes up at times when we feel especially vulnerable, like when we are about to do something for the first time or step out of our comfort zone.


I’ve recently experienced it’s harsh words when stepping away from my full time job into self employment...it said ‘you’re going to fail’, ‘it’s too risky’ ‘what have you done leaving a great job!’ ...but what I know now is that this critical voice is just trying to protect me from failing, from looking like a fool if it all collapses around me. It wants me to stay in my comfort zone where it’s safe and comfortable and risk free.


But I’m ready to expand and step into a career that although is risky feels so right and lights me up in a way no other job ever has. I know as uncomfortable as it is I have to transition through this feeling of doubt & vulnerability.


With awareness and a lot (a lot) of practice I have learnt to acknowledge this voice, my inner critic as I call it. I thank it for trying to protect me, reassure it I’ve got a plan in place and keep moving forward.


In the past I thought it was the one in control...I'd let it take the drivers seat & dictate the direction of my life. But now I can clearly see its the kid in the back kicking the back of my seat - trying to get my attention.


I hear you kid, I know you’re scared. It is scary, but I’ve got this. I’ve got a map for the first bit, then we’ll figure it out...perhaps we’ll ask a few kind people along the way. What I can promise you is that we are about to go on an amazing road trip together and there will some amazing sunsets. Trust me.
...and so I drive on ❤️

You will love again

PHOTO: ISSIE FREEMAN

PHOTO: ISSIE FREEMAN

This photo was me just over 4 years ago.

I was on a pre-Christmas break in the Highlands with my brother, sister & some friends.

It was a memorable and beautiful trip; I loved it. Waking up with a view of the sea & sunrise was deeply nourishing for me.

But I also feel pretty heartbroken for the woman I see in the photo; knowing the negative, hurtful, self critical stories that were frequent visitors in her mind.

She had a way of speaking to herself that had become the norm & familiar; she didn't know herself without that voice

She was newly out of a short lived relationship, not yet healed from a long term relationship. Unhappy in work; indecisive and unsure of the next step to take. Sometimes pretty darn sad. She felt like a let down, a failure, a disappointment; burdened. Tired, so tired. Comparing herself to others she felt off course and 'behind'. Un-confident, afraid, lost & disconnected from herself & what brought her joy.

It's not that life was all doom & gloom, not at all! She had moments of great joy, ease and times of deep connection with herself. But she couldn't tell you how she grasped it, where it came from or how to make it sustainable. The negative voices would inevitably creep back in, sabotaging a perfectly wonderful moment. What was it all about?! It was so confusing.

Now, 4 years on, I want to reach in and give a big hug & tell her;

-You will feel energised, alive and excited by life and the work that you do.

-You'll learn how to trust yourself & feel safe, supported and nourished : from within.

-You'll be adventurous, you'll be brave, courageous and step out of your comfort zone; it'll feel exhilarating!

-You'll learn how to live with your inner critic; to comfort and soothe her.

-You'll find your community; people you feel safe to open up to, connect & grow with.

-You'll feel confident and comfortable in your own skin.

-You'll feel the most YOU you've ever felt in your life.

-You will be loved again.

-You will love again.

Ithaka

PHOTO: ISSIE FREEMAN

PHOTO: ISSIE FREEMAN

My dad recently shared this poem, Ithaka, with me as he felt it represented the work that I do with my coaching clients. I couldn’t agree more. Ithaka describes a journey of adventure and discovery, a journey acquiring wisdom and experience much like the coaching journey.

I hope you enjoy reading it!

(Ithaka is a Greek Island located in the Ionian Sea, off the north east coast of Kefalonia)

ITHAKA

As you set out for Ithaka

hope your road is a long one,

full of adventure, full of discovery.

Laistrygonians, Cyclops,

angry Poseidon—don’t be afraid of them:

you’ll never find things like that on your way

as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,

as long as a rare excitement

stirs your spirit and your body.

Laistrygonians, Cyclops,

wild Poseidon—you won’t encounter them

unless you bring them along inside your soul,

unless your soul sets them up in front of you.

Hope your road is a long one.

May there be many summer mornings when,

with what pleasure, what joy,

you enter harbours you’re seeing for the first time;

may you stop at Phoenician trading stations

to buy fine things,

mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,

sensual perfume of every kind—

as many sensual perfumes as you can;

and may you visit many Egyptian cities

to learn and go on learning from their scholars.

Keep Ithaka always in your mind.

Arriving there is what you’re destined for.

But don’t hurry the journey at all.

Better if it lasts for years,

so you’re old by the time you reach the island,

wealthy with all you’ve gained on the way,

not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.

Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.

Without her you wouldn't have set out.

She has nothing left to give you now.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.

Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,

you’ll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.

By C. P. Cavafy Translated by Edmund Keeley